my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
