the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize