He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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