id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
