Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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