dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
