Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
