So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
