conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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