Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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