he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
