eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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