We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
