Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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