smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
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