If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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