That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
