so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
