i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
