Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
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