I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
