I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
