I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
