i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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