Where are you?
In a non slutty way
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize