im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
