and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
