dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
