Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
i came on her dog
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
