don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Sorry my hands just texted you
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
