Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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