he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
