I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize