I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
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