yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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