Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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