need another drink. this is the easiest way
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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