Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I love you. Go after that dick
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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