My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
