I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I touched a dick in church today
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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