My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I could make wine with my vomit
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
