He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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