I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
