I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
