She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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