What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
