Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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