he wants to bone in the snuggie
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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