ya dads aren't the best wingmen
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
