I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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