i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
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