sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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