LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
