you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
