i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
