theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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