allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
