Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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