and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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