you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
