I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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