You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
