College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
