Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
