Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
