dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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