he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
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