Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
